it feels like lockdowns are going to become a norm because people are not getting vaccinated fast enough. as I try to become an expert in snot for my 4 year old, I reflect on the years past- divorce, settling into a different routine, lockdowns and COVID tests, understanding autism, grieving for mum's passing...it's been a steep learning curve. I shaved my head in memory of my sweet mother, donating my hair to become a mop for ocean spills (go to "sustainable" hair salons!) and a humble amount of money for cancer research. friends and family who supported me through this was a beautiful warm fuzzy feel, a feeling I shall never forget. D keeps saying she misses my hair and my curls. i miss it too. i just know that the next 10 years of my life are going to be nothing like the past 10 years. if there is one thing these past two years has shown me repeatedly is just stay in the present. just be in the present. just be grateful because simple is good.
what do you see?
work full time and still live yoga effortlessly
7.21.2021
10.17.2020
losing mummy
my life support left this planet three weeks ago. a cancer that ripped her up and she couldn't find help quick enough because of the COVID chaos in Turkey. it is an abyss, a vacuum and a depth of sadness i have never felt in my life. i feel like i am drowning and i have forgotten to breathe. she was someone i spoke to every day at 4.30 pm, evening for me before D's bath time and morning for her when she had her first cup of tea...the other day i panicked that i had no videos of her talking, that i would forever not hear her voice and in time forget it....and then i found two where she is talking to D, for a few seconds. i watched it and was relieved. i would not lose her voice. yesterday i remembered D's educator having taken photos of us dropping her off at daycare two years ago. i asked them if it was still in their iPad. clutching at recent memories. my brother said he realised the word anne has retired from his vocabulary....i feel so egotistical for wanting her alive, she was in unimaginable pain, did not want to worry the kids till her last breath. the afternoon she went home from the hospital and i had not spoken to her for five days, i connected with her through reiki as i lay in bed. i said through my screams that she had been an amazing mother, a best friend, a wonderful grandmother and that i would miss her to eternity but this was not the life she deserved, that suffering until death was no life at all and if she needed to go she needed to go and not look back because we were now the people that she had envisioned us to be. and 14 hours later as a new day dawned in Turkey her heart beat its last beat. my head rattles and shakes in disbelief. the strong quiet soul who walked tall and proud and yet humble and kind who brought me here cannot be gone.
7.24.2020
work and life balance through COVID
9.28.2017
Motherhood is a big chunk of Lonely
I am liking being Dalya's mom and friend. She is a good kid, sweet and smart. We are having back and forth babbles which excites me about the future. She crawls towards the library to read books. That said the loneliness is there when you are home with the baby and just the baby to talk to. By the time hubby comes home I am exhausted and nighty night by 9.00 pm. At least we get to watch Babylon 5 or Supernatural each night to unwind. Thank goodness for good television! Thank goodness for yoga and my half hour training once a week. I am grateful.
5.29.2017
my daughter and i - life one day at a time
One day at a time.
12.31.2016
being pregnant at 41
5.08.2016
falling in love with New Zealand all over again
we flew to Christchurch and drove to Picton via Hamner Springs. Christchurch is going through a major transformation and we just had to work around the traffic management which drove google maps nuts. the kiwi humour did not go unnoticed. traffic blocks in the form of sheep made me laugh. Hamner Springs was gorgeous with its foggy hills and tightly knit community. at Picton we took our uncle's sailing boat to the Marlborough Sounds. i said i wanted to see dolphins and no kidding a few minutes later 20 some dolphins showed up puffing through their blowholes. next we see penguins swimming. we had dinner at The Bay of Many Coves and when walking back to the boat met up with a seal swimming under the pier. the wonders were endless. watching the stars and the milky way on the way back was mesmerising.