hayat arkadasligi

hayatimizda bir cok hikayelerimize sahit olan ve bizimle birlikte bu yolculugu yapan arkadaslarimiz olmustur. benim oldu. bu hikayelerin yaratilisinda kucukken programlanmis kaliplarin icinde buyudugumuz icin bir cok hikayemiz tum potansiyelimizi yansitmamis olabilir. 4 yasimdayken ve bunu cok iyi hatirliyorum, babamin arkadasi bana buyuyunce ne olacaksin bakayim sormustu, ve ben evlenecegim demistim. bu soyledigim cok naif ve komik bir cevap olabilir ama bu programlanma o minik yasimda da beynimde gezinen bir dusunceymis. 30 yaslari guzel bir donem cunku dunyanin cok yalin bir yer olmadigini artik anladim, kendimi iyicene tanimis oldum, ve oldugum gibi olmaya sectigimde bunun bir mucadele olacagini biliyordum. ama bu mucadele icsel bir mucadele ve bunun icin inanc ve azim gerektiriyor. istedigimiz gibi yasamaya sectigimizde buna kolay kolay izin verilmeyecek, yargiyla karsi karsiya olacagiz ve boyle bir ortamda secimler zorlasacak. programdan degil yuregimizin dogru hislerine dogru adimlar atilacak. demek istedigim 30 yaslarimda evlilik bana gore olmadigina karar vermistim. arkadaslarim hayatim boyunca yanimdalardi, isimi seviyordum, annemle olan iliskim harikaydi, baska neye ihtiyacim vardi ki? iliski her kadin ve erkek ister ama etrafimizda super ornekler yoktu. surekli bir drama, bir kalp kirilmalar, bunu yapti onu dedi, centilmen olan adam yok gibiydi. bir kac sene once amerikali arkadasim kocasiyla istanbul'a tasindiginda bir iliski ve bir hayat arkadasi nasil olur onu 3 sene izleme firsati olunca o zaman bende derinden aynisindan istedim. ama bunu bile istemek bir mucadeleydi ve bir karar. karar su ki istedigim hayat arkadasi benim en iyi dostum ve laklak yapmaktan cekinmeyecegim, korku programlarim tetiklendiginde de paylasabilecegim bir insan olacakti. ve eger olmazsa kendi yolumda mutlu olmaya secmeye devam edecektim yalniz olsamda. evlilik bir sosyal etiket ve etiketlerden hoslanmam. ama bir iliskiye bir takim arkadasligi ve hayatimiz boyunca yolculugumuzu birlikte yapacak kalitede bir insan ariyorsak o zaman zaten kendi potansiyelinize gore yasiyorsaniz o kisi yolculugunuza katilir. asil test katilmak istedigi zaman siz izin verecekmisiniz.

yoga on skype

skype yoga for the first time last night with my awesome group in istanbul was a great experience. after a teen helped us all get connected and that too we had to do without video we did a good ole session as though we were together in one room. i miss my yogini partners and i am grateful to them and technology for bringing us together. may the skype-ing continue!

alismak, baglanmadan

yeni bir hayata alisma donemi kolay olmayacagini biliyordum ama bu kadar zor olacagini da tahmin etmiyordum. unutmusum...cekilen izdirap, baglanmanin getirdigi endiseler, hep unutuyorum. kendimi gelistirmek icin boyle bir yol neden sectigimin cevabini da biliyorum, alisik olmadigim seylerle mucadele etmeden yasamak benim en buyuk zorlugum oldugu icin kendimi birakmaya ogretmek icin yapiyorum. cunku her seferinde- pakistan'dan ayrilirken, amerika'dan ayrilirken,ankara'yi arkamda birakirken, ve bu sefer istanbul'a veda ederken- sifirdan yaratip birakmayi seviyorum, yep yeni bir heyecan, kendimi yeniden kesfetme firsati, ve yillar icinde neler degistigini yalin bir gozle bakabiliyorum. hic birseyi varsaymamayi ogreniyorum...yeniden. her degisiklikte is arama kosusturmasi...evet is bulmadan atiliyorum degisime. baya delice. ev duzenini kurmak, uykumu alabilmek, tutsuler yakip evimin kokusunu yerlestirmek, komsularla tanismak, mahallede yuruyup ne var ne yok nerden ne alabilirim, hangi duvara ne asilir, bunlarin hepsi zaten yerlesiyor ilk ay icinde. ama duygusal destegi veren aile ve arkadaslarim skype, tango, viber, whatsapp gibi seyler evet bir cok seyi kolaylastiriyor ama uzun suren alisma donemi burda. onlarin yoklugu. o kadar ozluyorum ki arkadaslarimi...geldigimden beri herkesle konustum, gordum agladim...yinede ozluyorum. o kadar cok baglanmisim yani. yoga'nin en buyuk dersi de baglanmadan yasamak. iyi ki tatli bir esim var, yoksa turkiye'ye ilk geldigim aylarda tam olarak 9 ay sadece egsersiz icin kostum, kitap okudum ve telefonda konustum. evet degismisim :) simdi yuzuyorum, farkli yemekler pisiriyorum, yoga dersleri veriyorum, ev projelerini tamamliyorum ve resim cekiyorum. eylul sonu yagmur sezonu baslayacak...8 ay. onun alisma sureci nasil olacak onu gorecegiz.

shifting energies in a home

i love renewing things around the home and office to freshen up my world, and yes it invites new energies too. during mercury retrograde throwing and giving away what hasn't been used or does not work and cannot be repaired was done with success. now with a big move to a brand new environment, stu and i decided to start making a new home with what there was already plus a few extra pieces. we ripped out the old crusted paint off the deck chairs and table, sanded it to a baby's bottom smoothness and re-painted it a driftwood colour that has brought out the grains in the teak. just gorgeous! and it has lit up our terrace and therefore our view.

the benches stu got made for the wedding, we converted those into a library, we have so many books and pictures to put up, we sanded, dusted, wiped and put on a hardy coat of polyurethane....and now we have a beautiful library in our upcoming study. doing projects together and having zone out time TOGETHER tightens our relationship. its the yoga during daily life, the breathwork on the mat that can be brought to your loved ones that makes yoga a lifestyle. the mantras one learns in yoga school or the one that your guru gives, that's not the only way to enlightenment, it's the love that you generate by just saying 'i love myself' has the same effect. stu does not do yoga but he said this yesterday 'this chair needed some love and painting it is giving it attention'. this too is yoga.

connection for life

getting married and embracing the committment to grow together is a sacred vow. we make that vow with our closest friends and it is a default committment with our family members. we shared our vows at sunrise on Casuarina beach in Darwin Australia on 28th july a few days before the full moon. waking up at 4.30 am was no big deal because one does anything for the person they adore and the view was breathtaking. here is my vow to Stu: you are the person i have been waiting for; you are my best friend; you are my teacher in love and loving; you are my example for integrity; it's time to begin our journey together; i am thrilled to grow together with you; i am surrendering to the flow of love between us and ready to live the path we create together; i love you honey

my new home

my first week in Darwin has been pretty full. putting aside the undertaking of leaving Turkey, a place i called home for 10 and a half years, saying goodbye was not easy. to be detached is not an easy feat for anybody...but when there is support and belief that change is ultimately a good thing, the process has more flow. i have been doing my 'youth turns' as i call it, the tibetan ritual of youth. joined a yoga class with Sanjit Das at a scout warehouse in Darwin and did a hour and a half of pranayama. learned something that i thought was reviving- he had us do kapalbhatti facing south doing one exhalation per direction, left right up and down. he had us do it for around 2 minutes starting with the intention of honoring our breath in all directions. it was good fun and i felt great. Stu and i went to deckchair cinema to watch 'Yogawoman' an inspiring documentary about how women have shaped the yoga industry in the past 40 years. deckchair is an outdoor cinema where people can have vegetarian food and listen to the trees rustle while watching a movie on a massive screen. Stu at one point turned to me and said 'Don't panic, there's a possum' and wo and behold there he was big and furry with a long thin tail shuffling about through the deckchairs looking for a nibble. over the weekend Darwin had a Beer Regata where people collect their beer cans throughout the year and make a functional boat. pretty awesome! some make it some sink but it's a fun festival by the beach and folks come from all over. i loved watching the thong throwing contest, basically people throw their flip flops real hard and the one that goes the farthest wins a hefty prize of 250 aussie dollars! i am enjoying the atmosphere of taking it easy here, such a turnaround after istanbul! going to go for a quick swim to get the blood flowing.

After years of knowing that I needed to begin working out and becoming healthier, I finally decided to attend a free yoga class at my school. I had some knowledge about yoga from other classes that were also started for teachers, but no one prepared me for the likes of lovely Irem. I can honestly say that I realized for the very first class that I had finally found the way to get me moving in the right direction. Irem’s kind and forgiving attitude coupled with her vast knowledge of both yoga and the human body make a great combination. She explains every move before we actually do it. Frequently asking questions like “Do you have trouble with your ........? Well then you should try it this way” have made me feel secure in the class. I am not afraid of getting hurt and am actually motivated to try new and more difficult positions, learning to push my limits in a safe environment. After each class, the relaxed and content feeling I have is hard to describe. I am now much more physically active these days and I know that Irem’s class was catalyst that I needed. What better testimony can I give than to say that I have never missed a class? mws