i really did not think i would get married but what changed in me was my mental construction of a partnership as i got older. for the longest time, possibly upto my early thirties i envisioned an amazing love that lasted forever and this dramatic falling in love story. back then i saw all this amazing-ness. in that picture there was no laundry to do, no bills to share, no sleepless nights after a stressful day. there was this continuous 'date' that never ended and what helped me deconstruct this unreal picture was relationships that did not work out. women and men need past relationships to make us healthier human beings. yes broken hearts after healing makes us have healthier expectations and help us form dreams that do come true.
with Stu it has been a wild ride. it reminds me of my mom actually. she met my dad in Turkey, he was living in Pakistan. years of long distance courtship led to marriage and she packed up her things and moved to Pakistan. she reacted when i said i met Stu, thought this was the real thing and she was bewildered when i said i would move to be with him. she had forgotten her own story. i reminded her. karmas are linked and we copy those we love i think.
what i have learned in the past year and half is there has to be sacrifice to get what you want. not crazy sacrifice like sacrificing your sanity to be with an alcoholic who does not want to get better, but healthy sacrifice with the vision of growing together. to be emotionally intelligent is key to having a good relationship and also to know your own values. it is values that one lives with and it is values that dictates what you do and choose not to do. i am essentially living together with my values and Stu's. the love only grows and is fed by the same values.