at 31 weeks, with only a single digit countdown i look back and know that the severe constipation, the constant nausea (even now), the sudden redness of eyes, the acne in spots i have never known to see acne, the forgetfulness that leads to awkwardness, the pain of having a baby sleep on your bladder, the aversions to your favorite dishes, the bloat, being anemic and fatigued....it is all physical and temporary. i danced at my office christmas party and the baby moved off my bladder. i take disgusting magnesium powder every morning to handle constipation. i have stopped judging myself for the forgetfulness that boggles my mind as to how words could just be erased from my mental vault. the yoga and fitness keeps my bloat at a very manageable level. i talk to my succulents and garden to discover beauty. laughing with Stu relaxes me and watching the baby move side to side with knees and elbows poking out only triggers gratitude.
during this time mum was diagnosed with stage one cancer in the esophagus. she felt uncomfortable for two weeks and got it checked out. she caught it early. major surgery, two weeks in the hospital, she is able to talk, walk and read in bed. her body awareness and will to keep going are only a few things i intend to teach my daughter. at 41 we are bound to have our elders fall ill and have our friends have much older kids than mine.
plug on we shall. a woman who lives in harmony with herself and takes care of herself can get pregnant. after 40. i have two friends who were my age who did. we live healthier lives and live longer than our grandparents. it is a different era.