Motherhood is a big chunk of Lonely

It's been a massive change for me. Glad I did what I wanted to do with my 40 years because I don't look back and think i wish i had done this or that. I envision what i can do and experience with Dalya. Every day i notice developmental progress- how she touches the textures in books, her glee when she sees the giraffe in a book is the same animal she chews, the cheeky giggle when i say poop? and sniff her bum, the look on her face when I come home from work...working part time has been the best thing for me. That's where Australia has been great. New moms can go back to work and most people give the thumbs up.  I felt like i was disappearing into a an unknown vacuous space and I couldn't even find me. Scary shit. Working has been grounding. Familiarity has sped healing and comprehension.
I am liking being Dalya's mom and friend. She is a good kid, sweet and smart. We are having back and forth babbles which excites me about the future. She crawls towards the library to read books. That said the loneliness is there when you are home with the baby and just the baby to talk to. By the time hubby comes home I am exhausted and nighty night by 9.00 pm. At least we get to watch Babylon 5 or Supernatural each night to unwind. Thank goodness for good television! Thank goodness for yoga and my half hour training once a week. I am grateful.


my daughter and i - life one day at a time

dalya was born on the 24th of February. It's been three months of getting to know her and she getting used to us. I cried for four weeks straight; confused, distraught and unsure if I could be a mother and be sane...the placenta capsules, therapy sessions, good friends and an amazing husband pulled me through. Am I out of the woods yet? Don't think so...i go through bouts of doubt, fear and anxiety every day. Her continuous growth both mentally and physically is awesome and wonderful to witness. That is what motivates me to stay in the game and be the best I can be each day.
One day at a time.