my purpose in life

i send my job applications before lunch everyday, it is the time i am most alert. i get rejections before end of business day from places i applied to in the previous weeks. i go out to my veggie garden to check on progress of my peas, spinach and cauliflower plants. looking good! the carrots have been slow to peek out. my succulents have been happy. there is new growth in parts that i thought were dead. i saw these child pods and i was thrilled!

small victories. and yet the part where i see no movement in my bank account absolutely wrecks me. i pondered over that. this is what i did.

i called a few hospitals to see if they were interested in having a yoga instructor volunteer in their recovery wards. they were not. next day i went for a short run and noticed there was an aged care facility one street away from mine and i walked in there. a week later i had become a yoga volunteer. i was finally at a place where i could contribute. i was nervous. i had given classes to younger patients but not as old as 90. they all look fabulous and cute- the ladies had their lipstick on and  the men were looking smart.

the class made me sweat. we did the bee breath which they loved. they giggled. we did stretches and asanas on our armchairs. we did mudras. there were couple of rebels at the back yelling how stupid all this was but you know what? by the end of class the Oms we chanted had calmed everyone. there was a sweet stillness in that lounge.

that was the moment i knew that i was fine. good intentions are powerful and whatever purpose one walks with is the meaning we aimlessly search for. the key is to not drown in human emotion but to stick to the purpose. there are mornings i feel helpless and hopeless. i feel that emotion completely until i cannot breathe and then with one internal voice i will my thoughts to my purpose. it brings me back to living. it brings me back to talking to my plants. it pushes me forward to find my path in this new city.