hello 40!

it has been a full go go go kind of year as i edged towards my 40th. we moved to a slightly bigger house, my job took on more responsibilities, made new friends and managed to take a four week break. it had been two years since our last vacation and Stu’s idea to split it into two was magnificent. we visited family and friends in Turkey for two weeks and ended it with a week in Thailand on Railei beach. Railei beach is divinely serene. for days we watched squirrels jump from palm tree to tree. we woke up to the sound of gibbon monkeys singing their call :)

being a yoga instructor for years and being connected to my body i was surprised about how much time it took for me to relax during our holiday. just allowing my mind to rest, allowing myself to nap whenever I felt like it, allowing myself to float and not feel the self-pressure of ‘tread to burn calories’ kind of self-talk was absolutely liberating. it was week three when my self-talk changed to ‘relax and just be’. i read books like ‘Memoirs of an imaginary friend’, ‘A street cat named Bob’ which made me cry from wonder and ‘Post Office’ a hilarious book by Charles Bukowski. my 40th was quiet with Stu- a Thai dinner on the back deck under gorgeous trees with the sound of waves in the distance.

i think my 40s are going to be a different kind of intensity. it will be about being kind and being truthful to myself. i do both but not enough i think, often i was mixing up the two and my path was getting fuzzy. i was softening truths to hurt less- myself and others, and sometimes it is simpler to just speak the truth and have a good chat. 

expressing love through mail

we received the sweetest christmas card from Stu's nephew a few days ago.  Isaac had designed it himself. i was so  moved upon receiving it that i had a moment of enlightenment. the feeling i had was exactly why i wrote postcards and cards all year. the end of the year postcards that Stu and i wrote was my highlight each time. 

i cannot remember when i first wrote a card and to whom but i reckon it was the mandatory new year's cards that was sent to relatives in Turkey when we were living in Pakistan. i must have been six i think, my earliest memory of cursive concentrated script to grandmother, aunts and uncles was around that time. and we always received something in return. my father grilled us to make sure we had done our part in keeping in touch and wishing everyone well. i lived apart from loved ones back then and i still do. and this was the only efficient way i knew how to send and show my love.

since Stu and i have been together we have produced a postcard every year. it started with our wedding ceremony cards. the fact that we designed them together and the ones that followed were effortless just made me happier. friends who received it in different corners of the world were happy as well i am sure..

there are days i think that if i were to disappear from the face of the earth right now what would i have impacted? and i always feel sending love through the sky to someone's front door is the best way i know how to say i miss and love them.