being pregnant at 41

it has not been an easy ride believe me. i had a termination earlier this year due to major heart defects in the fetus. it was not genetic, it was luck, racked it up to the innumerable experiences life throws at us. i went to my acupuncturist as usual and he helped me get my regularity back. a  month after my termination i was pregnant again. what i believe helped get me to where i am is a healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly and being grateful.  

at 31 weeks, with only a single digit countdown i look back and know that  the severe constipation, the constant nausea (even now), the sudden redness of eyes, the acne in spots i have never known to see acne, the forgetfulness that leads to awkwardness, the pain of having a baby sleep on your bladder, the aversions to your favorite dishes, the bloat, being anemic and fatigued....it is all physical and temporary. i danced at my office christmas party and the baby moved off my bladder. i take disgusting magnesium powder every morning to  handle constipation. i  have stopped  judging myself for the forgetfulness that boggles my mind as to how words could just be erased from my mental vault. the yoga and fitness keeps my bloat at a very manageable level. i talk to my succulents and garden to discover beauty. laughing with Stu relaxes me and watching the baby move side to side with knees and elbows poking out only triggers gratitude. 

during this time mum was diagnosed with stage one cancer in the esophagus. she felt uncomfortable for two weeks and got it checked out.  she caught it early. major surgery, two weeks in  the hospital, she is able to talk, walk and read in bed. her body awareness and will to keep going are only a few things i intend to teach my daughter. at 41 we are bound to have our elders fall ill and have our friends have much older kids than mine. 

plug on we shall. a woman who lives in harmony with herself and takes care of herself can get pregnant. after 40. i have two friends who were my age who did. we live healthier lives and live longer than our grandparents. it is a different era. 

falling in love with New Zealand all over again

back in 2004 when i travelled the South Island i thought to myself, 'i will be back and maybe one day i will live here.' seven years later i met my kiwi husband in Istanbul and moved to Australia. we decided to visit family in Picton for a long weekend and leaving was tough. the pristine views, the crisp air, uninterrupted landscape and the warm sweet happy people, we thought some day we will live here. the dream was not my own any longer.

we  flew to Christchurch and drove to Picton via Hamner Springs. Christchurch is going through a major transformation and we just had to work around the traffic management which drove google maps nuts. the kiwi humour did not go unnoticed. traffic blocks in the form of sheep made me laugh. Hamner Springs was gorgeous with its foggy hills and tightly knit community. at Picton we took our uncle's sailing boat to the Marlborough Sounds. i said i wanted to see dolphins and no kidding a few minutes later 20 some dolphins showed up puffing through their blowholes. next we see penguins swimming. we had dinner at The Bay of Many Coves and when walking back to the boat met up with a seal swimming under the pier. the wonders were endless. watching the stars and the milky way on the way back was mesmerising.