that there is so much more to life than what we are able to see and feel. i have tried hard all my life to make conscious changes, running away from fear of being static...istanbul is one of those places where it feels like one has to run to keep up with the dynamism and then i go to selcuk for 4 days and my steps become instantly slower. it's crazy.
these days i have been what most people would call confused. not outwardly though. if i were to look at myself objectively at what is going on within i think i am confused. but last night i realised i wasn't. it's like a ping pong match i have with myself and my thoughts. thoughts tire me at some point. i stop them by labelling it for example "thinking thinking thinking" or "looking looking looking". and then as i go for a pee break at the office something random pops into my head and then it happens 3 minutes later. there are many moments when i would like to be transported to india and just be away and then i squarely ask myself if i am not happy to be where i am. and the answer is yes i am pretty cool where i am. then what's this millisecond transportation somewhere else that occurs every now and then... i don't know.
i have been meeting some inspirational people lately. and the truth is there are inspirational people in my life ALL of the time such as my boss, eren, crystal, alan, gale, dirk, emine, ayla and innumerable friends i could go on and on talking about. it's people that help me stay alive. definitely. i get it. and then there are people one meets, suddenly, unexpectedly that takes your breath away. i met an amazing man this past weekend, spent a total of 4 hours and thought this was what connection means. this is what inspiration is. it inspired me to connect with myself. it was a reminder. and i need it so much more often living in this city. i felt i had been de-sensitized having lived through all that i have (let's not go through those experiences) and then suddenly voila (!) a spark of pink, red and orange that had been in the dark for so long.
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