keeping it together with a bully

i have always and i am serious about this, always known that working with a bully and keeping it together will be cleansing some unknown yucky karma. there is much to learn from them. both bullies i have worked with and been bullied by have been women and it is fuelled by intense jealousy and hatred for their own life. so yes coping with rudeness, passive aggressiveness, loud whispers to other colleagues that are meant to hurt, degrading comments start with understanding their behaviour...i have been in this position and i know that once you confront it with dignity and poise the path opens up to new possibilites.

for example the first professional bully i was with the job required extensive travel. once she did not want to pay for my room so i had to share the king size bed with her and her 14 year old son. she would also ask me to manage clients who wanted escorts and she did not want to deal with them. sometimes she refused to pay me. the second bully was more a whisperer. she whispered loudly to another colleague about how i slurped when i drank my tea and endlessly used profanity for 7.6 hours especially rude if i made an error that she forgot was made because she told me to do it that way. i was not hallucinating, friends at the office said she had become unbearable. and more folks are moving their desks away. yes i am still here.

it is a cliche i know, this whole "testing your patience" aspect but it is bigger than that. even a look of disapproval, voicing your own values real short and sweet, basically playing the game without ruffling feathers is empowering. you walk away knowing a karmic manifestation to teach your soul an important lesson has been resolved. and if it does not get resolved it will come back to bite a bit harder. the enveloping negativity and "this should not be happening to me" syndromes can be wiped away by kapalbhatti, mantras you like that can be repeated in your head (so-hum and aum are brilliant), copious amounts of green tea and a plan. i strategized to leave the first time around by committing to learning all i could from that business and moving on which i did. the second time around i moved to a desk far away when the time was right. trust the movement of time once a decision of action is made. patience is no good if there is no direction. and the direction needs to be one of personal growth and to exercise more compassion.

yogic frustration gives answers

having given many yoga classes and attended just as many there are moments of frustration. my first ever frustration was as a teenager not being able to do the handstand until a teacher in a class in New York (15 years later) said because of my overflexed arms I could do it with a strap, which i then did. so there are the frustrations of the physical poses that you find is tough and the self-judgement that goes with it...until another teacher in India said only 5% of yoga is physical. that was an epiphany right there. and it is the one thing students focus on until i tell them there is more to yoga, there are many paths you can follow and the physical one is only one of them. the poses keep one toned and who wouldn't want that. but there is more to the pose when a specific breath is paired with it. it all starts and ends with the breath.

as the 40 approaches i am edging towards kundalini yoga- 90% of the class is manipulating breath for a specific intention. yes i intend to keep doing the crow just to see if i can do it at 80. with the majority of the day spent at work in front of the computer, yoga is simply catching yourself breathe funny and correct it. catching yourself slump and sitting upright is awareness. yoga is to get to know yourself and bring the best out in you.

learning to let go

seriously, letting go has been the one goal in my life that has haunted me everywhere i have gone. i had a rough time letting go of my father's death while living in Pakistan. then had a hard time leaving feelings of resentment for my brother's determination to overcome everything and how easy it appeared to be for him (i know better now). then letting go of silly feelings of being miserable with miserable children at therapy camp in Florida (good thing i went for therapy while giving therapy). letting go of bitterness and anger when i was kicked out of the US after 9-11 when employers said 'visa expires too bad'. letting go of mental lists of what i believed in was right for the first three years i lived in Turkey. i slept in my apartment on the ground until my aunt said 'time you bought a bed, you have been living here for three years'. it helps when people care and when folks tell you the truth. as i type this i see my journey....meeting Stu was the epitome of my let go-ing, lower walls, less exclamation marks in my conversation bubbles and more calmness. the journey has helped with yoga (almost three decades of it) and envisioning the kind of life i have wanted to live- a fabulous good adventurous life that is.

the one thing left to let go is the artery constriction in my brain when i see a circle of wetness on furniture from a sweating glass and dirty feet. Stu has captured it well right here.

northern territory cockatoos

i started early this weekend. i went to get my lymphatic system drained at a physiotherapist, biking against the breeze in an 8kg bike was not easy. Stu waited at the Cav having a cup of coffee while i was getting cupped across the street. the session made me pretty groggy but it all passed when Stu spotted two big cockatoos at dinah boat club. i had seen one at the wildlife course but never in the wild (Darwin is wild). here's a video of them and me having a small chat with them.

biking in darwin

and then again biking in darwin is stimulating as well! i cannot be unfair to beauty here.

melbourne stimulation

melbourne rocks. darwin is beautiful however it is time to face the facts...there is more happening in melbourne than darwin will ever see. i had been culturally starved a little bit i think. there is so much drinking based activities in darwin and not much else except movies. the sunrises, the magnificent views, the birds, the sounds of nature are unparallel to anything i have seen and that shall be missed if we move.

yet i have missed city life. my buddy Shaye and i went to the national galley of victoria, walked the streets of shopping haven, people watched at yummy places, went to a theatrical performance in east brunswick, listened to folky tunes in a random pub and ended up talking to the band's mom....it was great. at the agllery i was hypnotized with the pool of bowls  twirling around each other and creating the most beautiful tones. it felt like i was back in dharamsala and the monks had their singing bowls out. blew me away.

i want to go back now!