firtinalar esti istanbul'da. istanbul'un farkli yerlerinde farkli zamanlarda. sabahin erken saatlerinde basladi ve gittikce ciddilesti. evim yukseklerde, tepelerde, her kosesinden orman ve kopruler gozukuyor... yagmurla ruzgar basladi ve camlar titredi. birden urktum. ruzgar ruzgardir sonucta. ama sessiz olan bir elementin sesi olunca korkutur ki aynen oyle oldu. yagmurun gokten indigini izledim ve ruzgarin yagmuru ittigini. gokte bir dalga dansi vardi. hayatimda boyle birsey gormemistim. bir kadinin uzun tuvaleti dans ederken ucusur gibi... inanilmazdi.
firtinalarda en cok yapmaya sevdigim sey sicak cikolata icmek. ve de sicak cikolatamla birlikte seyrettim.
9.30.2008
9.28.2008
how i see myself progress through "yoga moments"
everything is always a two way street, what you put in you get back somehow, maybe two fold... think of the last time you had a moment you thought you would remember for the rest of your life, and that moment becomes a reference point for the days to come.
i had such a moment as many others in india when i hurt my knees trying to do the padmasana. oh yes the lotus pose. the famous pose with the feet on opposite thighs, and yes your ankles are so flexible that the soles of your feet are looking up at the ceiling. it was the second week at the ashram on lord shiva's sacred soil in trimbak, the first yoga lesson of the day. we did preparatory stretches for this amazing meditative pose and then everyone attempted to do it. like hypnosis, one third get hypnotized, one third do not, and the rest kind of float in between but not completely in either state. i just pushed too hard. i wanted to be in the one third that could do it and it did not happen. what did proceed to take place was this slight "click" sound and i could not walk straight for the entire week.
in retrospect it was a great experience. ı used to wonder how there were people who could do a split and then lay their chest on the ground. how could a human being be so flexible?!! but then i saw the same person have a temper tantrum because someones laundry did not finish on time and theirs was being compromised. flexibility in the limbs did not extend to the personality. but here's the deal. for the past 8 months i have been in istanbul, and the struggles that are brought with moving, adjusting, making new friends, settling in and starting a whole new life, i discovered i could do the padmasana without a problem.
interesting eh?
i was giving a yoga lesson and teaching the variations of meditative poses one of which was the padmasana. i WAS going to say here's what the padmasana looks like in theory but i am not unable to do it YET when flip flop my soles were looking up at me resting contentedly on my thighs. i rushed home to simply check if it was really true. i had not even tried doing the padmasana since i got back form india let alone practice now and then. i had not attempted it since then.
the body is an amazing piece of work. i surprised myself the other day by chanting "ohm" all day long. it started with wanting to cleanse the energy of the apartment i moved into and then i chanted it all day until i got hungry. i had a moment.
when chatting with my friend hasan the other night he said how he wants more moments to remember. he said he wants to live moments. we went hiking in the greens of polonezkoy and it felt like i was a piece, an enormous piece of love that my body could not hold. and that moment was truly unforgettable. it was a yoga moment, one of the many that i am having in istanbul.
i had such a moment as many others in india when i hurt my knees trying to do the padmasana. oh yes the lotus pose. the famous pose with the feet on opposite thighs, and yes your ankles are so flexible that the soles of your feet are looking up at the ceiling. it was the second week at the ashram on lord shiva's sacred soil in trimbak, the first yoga lesson of the day. we did preparatory stretches for this amazing meditative pose and then everyone attempted to do it. like hypnosis, one third get hypnotized, one third do not, and the rest kind of float in between but not completely in either state. i just pushed too hard. i wanted to be in the one third that could do it and it did not happen. what did proceed to take place was this slight "click" sound and i could not walk straight for the entire week.
in retrospect it was a great experience. ı used to wonder how there were people who could do a split and then lay their chest on the ground. how could a human being be so flexible?!! but then i saw the same person have a temper tantrum because someones laundry did not finish on time and theirs was being compromised. flexibility in the limbs did not extend to the personality. but here's the deal. for the past 8 months i have been in istanbul, and the struggles that are brought with moving, adjusting, making new friends, settling in and starting a whole new life, i discovered i could do the padmasana without a problem.
interesting eh?
i was giving a yoga lesson and teaching the variations of meditative poses one of which was the padmasana. i WAS going to say here's what the padmasana looks like in theory but i am not unable to do it YET when flip flop my soles were looking up at me resting contentedly on my thighs. i rushed home to simply check if it was really true. i had not even tried doing the padmasana since i got back form india let alone practice now and then. i had not attempted it since then.
the body is an amazing piece of work. i surprised myself the other day by chanting "ohm" all day long. it started with wanting to cleanse the energy of the apartment i moved into and then i chanted it all day until i got hungry. i had a moment.
when chatting with my friend hasan the other night he said how he wants more moments to remember. he said he wants to live moments. we went hiking in the greens of polonezkoy and it felt like i was a piece, an enormous piece of love that my body could not hold. and that moment was truly unforgettable. it was a yoga moment, one of the many that i am having in istanbul.
9.15.2008
a 'fincan' of tea after a walk
needless to say tea is something i cannot do without. i am more tea than coffee. in pakistan i used to drink milky tea with the guards at the apartment complex gate and they taught me to pour the tea in the saucer and sip it without spilling. in turkey my memories of tea have expanded far and wide.
my new found friend dirk vermieren who knows istanbul better than anyone i have met thus far wanted to go for a walk. now a walk in the woods i have done. a walk on the only interesting street in ankara i have done. a walk by the upper iowa river in the fall was absolutely gorgeous. a walk to the bakkal counts as a sort of walk... but a walk from moda to fenerbahce by the sea i had not quite thought about.
dirk has written a book about walks one should take in istanbul! `100% istanbul` with 6 great walks mapped out for the adventurous traveller. we met in kadikoy and began walking through moda, the building that the municipality took over and now does not serve alcohol...people protest by drinking right next to it...cats, kittens and dogs running around, abandoned dilapidated yalis, a group of people with `moving signs'- a new marketing idea, a ghetto like jetty area where retired folks dock their boats and take their tiny boats out for a ride... 2 hours of stories to share and gather.
we ended up at a park that was near the marina in kalamis. a beautiful park. reminded me of vienna. little cafes, labeled trees, clean cobbled paths, kittens and puppies of istanbul napping in the gardens and random people out for a park walk on a humid cloudy day.
istanbul has a multitude of facets and it's mysterious folds are only beginning to reveal itself. one is lucky if one has a guide and friend to help you see what it is. one thing is for sure, a fincan of tea after a walk in istanbul is undoubtedly a well- deserved treat.
9.10.2008
eren ve sinekleri
cok ozel bir insan var benim dunyamda. hayalimde kurdugum bir insan degiiiil. tanistirayim- ismi eren. eren'le olan iliskimiz turkiye'de basladi ve uluslararasi bir iliskiye donustu. londra'da konsolosluk'ta ciddi bir insan psikoloji deneyimini yasiyor. bir oda'da, etrafinda binlerce dosya ve herkesin hayatini ozetleyen kagitlar, paranoyaklardan mektuplar, surekli sorunlu insanlardan baglanan telefonu ve her sabah onunla birlikte gazeteyi okurken eslik eden sinegi...
eren beni ilk tanidiginda daha turkiye'ye yeni gelmistim ve herseyi yukardan bakiyordum. turkiye beni cok farkli yonlerden tokati patlatiyordu. eren beni pek tuhaf ve kendisini fazla begenmis biri olarak gormustu. AB proje'de tanistik ve onun bana hediye ettigi CD bizim iliskimizi kilitledi. onun ardindan zaten kahve, sicak cikolata ve cheescake donemimizi baslatmis olduk. cafes de cafe bizim sayemizde cirolarini ikiye katladi.
eren iki sene once tunali caddesinde ankara sicaginda soguk havayi ne kadar ozledigini anlatti. kafka'nin yagmurlu karanlik havayi neden sevdigini anlamis oldugunu anlatti. benim bir cok sefer 'istedigin olur' seklindeki felsefi dialoglarimizda bu sozler yeniden soylendi. kendimizi oxford'ta bir dugune gittigimizi izledik ve orda eren'e londra'da bir is teklifi aldigina sahit olduk. ingiltere donus'te saskin saskin eren basvurdu ve tikir tikir isler yoluna oturup eren tasan bavullariyla londra'ya gitti. yagmur, soguk ve kapali havasi olan ulkeye adim atti.
soktaydim. mutluydum. uzgundum. en yakin arkadasim gitmisti ama ankara'nin sokaklarindan gitmesi gerekiyordu. bunalim artik ayni salatada, ayni yuruyus rotasinda, ayni tunali dukkanlarinda ve yurtdisindan ziyarete gelen arkadaslarinda gozukmeye baslamisti. eren gidince bende ankara'da beni tutan nedir diye sormaya basladim. arkadaslarim, yavas yavas duzenene oturttugum evim ve isim. eren'nin istegi istanbul'a tasinmakti ama annesi ilk once tasindi. sonrada eren kendisini londr'da buldu. istanbul hayali havada kaldi.
istanbul'u tasinma hayalini ben beslemeye basladim. ankara'da yeterince kaldim diyordum. turkiye'de yasayip istanbul'da yasamamak hata olmaliydi diyordum. thai masaj kursuna istanbul'da alirken eren'le surekli konusuyorduk. istanbul o kadar korkunc degil dedim. baska bir buyuk sehir hemde suyu var! hindistan'dan sonra tasinacagim dedim eren'e. 'super ju super!' dedi. eren hep bana inandi. eren supheli gozle bakar ama benim kendime dedigim seye inanir (ben hemen inanmadigim zamanlarimda da).
eren'nin dediklerine ben inanirim. mesela viyanna'ya beraber gittigimizde 'her tarafa yuruyelim ve sehri oyle taniriz' demisti. yuruduk ve 4 gun metro'yu hemen hemen hic kullanmayip sadece yuruduk. allahin -10 derecesinde. eren yuruyuse gelince soyledigini yapar.
bodrumdaydik. ozge ve eren'le birlikteydim. cok cici arkadasimiz yaprak'a evlendiriyorduk. 'erken kalkip yuzelim' dedi eren. gece'nin 0200 de uyuyup 0830da kaltik ve yuzduk. su soguk, gozler yamuk yamuk bakiyor, benim gozler sis, saclar james brown tadinda...sabahin korunde yuzduk. dugun'de her zamanki gibi dans ettik. michael jackson caldi ve cildirdik. 'keep on with the force don't stop/ don't stop till you get enough' bizi bir cok duygusal krizlerimizde (yer onemli degil) kurtardi. michael jackson kurtarmistir ve ikincisi cikolata. cikolata hayranligimiz sonsuzdur.
eren hayatima bazi konularda (yuruyus, yuzmek ve dans gibi) hayatima renk katiyor. londradayken cin restoran'da olsun, portobello'da yerel halkin moda tasarimlari, bisikletle yagmurda yine sis gozlerle bisiklet turu...muthis renkler bunlar. ve hepsi arkadasimin benim paylastigi renkler...
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