avrupa'dan istanbul'a donus

2 hafta istanbul'dan uzak kalmak kolay degilmis. tamam cok gezdim, fransizca ogrendim, avrupa'nin en zengin sehirlerinde yasamak nasilmis hissettim. ama istanbul'un heyecani hic bir yerde yok. bana gore en azindan. rahat yerler- luxembourg, belcika, fransa. ve keyif almanin degisik bir duygusunu hissetmis oldum. mucadele yok.

yani yoldaki gecen yaya baya onemli. beynim nasil islemis...emin olmak icin soforlerin gozlerinin icine baka baka geciyordum ilk gunlerde. otobus soforleri herkes oturduktan sonra yoluna devam ediyordu. paris'te luxembourg'ta soforlerle el sallamalar sohbetler iltifatlar. nazik insanlar daha fazla gibi..

istanbul'a dondugumde neler hissedecegim dort gozle bekliyorum. kesin olan:
bogazi gorunce icim acilacak
kendimi hamama atacagim ve sukurler olsun diyecegim
cafelerde geyik ve circir yapmak iyi gelecek
turk kahvesi icecegim
pogaca yiyecegim
uyuyacagim bolca eger becerebilirsem

a bien tot avrupacugum

being elsewhere

it's not home but it's where i am for 2 weeks. it's not vacation, it's work but with friends and people i am familiar with.

it's luxembourg. i didn't even know that was a place before i started this job. and now here i am in luxembourg... the places you will go.

learning french in luxembourg where almost everyone speaks french. should be quick progress. i remembered i used to listen to tapes of french back in pakistan, when i was 10? then i tried 2 years ago 3 nights a week. and now this. it isn't an easy language- no real rules, not much of a pattern which means infinite flexibility. it's week two and i am getting used to this. thankfully my boss is french, there is no way i will be forgetting this language.

i have been out of the irem zone for 10 days now. floating is more like it. i floated on a harley in the countryside of belgium, floated through paris and floating in luxembourg. i thought taking pilates and yoga classes would bring me back to earth and it probably helped that hour before i was back to floating.

it's strange being away from home. i miss istanbul very much. i don't think i have felt connected to anyplace ever before as much as i do now.

paris sneak preview

zorla kendini

haftasonu agva ve sile'ye gittik. arabada sarkilar soylemek, gorduklerini paylasmak, kafa bosaltmak ve sevdiklerinle beraber olmak kendim icin yapacagim en guzel sey. sacmalarken de cikan fikirler aydin fikirler olabiliyor.

mesela bugun dedik, hayatimizda yapmadigimiz bir seyi yapmis olalim.

agva sahilinde yururuken ki baya yurumus olduk, geri donme istegi zayifti ve yagmur bulutlari bile motivasyon getirmemisti. birden ters yuruyelim dedik. saka maka 15 dakika filan sahilde ters yuruduk ve onumuzdeki manzara hep gozumuzun onundeydi. yanimizdan birileri gecti, 5 dakika sonra onlarda ters yurumeye basladilar. birbirimize bakarak uzaklasmaya basladik. ters yurumekte kolay degilmis, sanki arkaya dusuyormusum gibiydi.

enteresandi.

haftada bir hayatimizda yapmadigimiz seyler yapmaliyiz bence. bak ne kadar guzel bir ani olmus oldu...

more family moments

the lightness of success and happiness

it has been a year where i have not sat and evaluated much (as much as last year). i really just want to sit and watch things but it's not going to happen. i haven't allowed it actually.

so here's my plan- i will watch as i move! and hopefully i will feel lighter because seriously lightness is reachable when life just flows and the only way that can happen is to relax but in sync with movement. i mean there is fast movement and there is slow movement. like my boss had said once- if you want anything in life you have to think about time and right timing. for anything to be right these two have to be in synchrony which means one should not hurry. but that doesn't mean one should stop and wait! it's slowing down and watching it alll unfold and fall right into your lap.

so yeah i think something is finally settling into my stubborn psyche....