doing yoga at and for work

don't get me wrong, i am not doing the lotus pose at work. imagine me at my desk, with a view of skyscrapers and me chanting ohm.

i wouldn't even recommend doing that at work.

what i AM doing is breathing long and steady when dealing with customs officials, telecommunication procedures and tax issues. it always helps to wake up a little early and do a few sun salutations and kapalbhatti (cleansing the frontal lobe breathing technique) before having a quiet tea. nothing like waking up the body you take for granted and bowing to it in gratitude and with grace. even though it is difficult to imagine being productive or remotely functional at 0600 in the morning, it is true what the yogis say- it is before sunrise and just as day breaks that one feels most at peace. one does not feel connected to ones identity... there is nothing to identify to at that hour!

and that is the time you are most free.

aynasiz hayat

kolay degilmis ama alistim. yeni evimde ayna yoktu ve gunlerce rimelimi minik aynamin yardimiyla surdum, sonra rujumu... giyisiye gelince beynimin kurgu gucune inanmak zorundaydim.

bodrum'dan donerken onur air dergisine bakiyordum ve bir adamin hikayesini okudum. 30senedir bir fabrika'da muhasebeci olarak calismis ve emekli olunca tahtakale'de kendi marangoz dukkanini acmis. muthis seker, renkli, ahsap mobilya kendisi tasariliyor ve yapiyormus. adresini aldim ve 1.5 ay sonra crystal'la yagmurlu bir gunde ona ziyarete gittik. elimde hayalimdeki aynanin olculeri ve rengi... gerisini hakki bey'e birakacaktim.

hakki bey tahtakaledeki en orijinal adamiydi. sokagi buluncaya kadar islanmistik, semsiye alalim konusmalar geciyordu...rengarenk ahsap banklari gectik ve burasi dedim. hakki bey'in ciktigi dergiler giristeydi (www.masalahsap.com). telsizle bize cay ismarladi ve yaptiklarini tek tek anlatti. masalarinin ortasinda derinlik yaratip fosiller yerlestirmisti. aydinlatmalari yaz geceleri terasta gecirmek icin mukemmel... aynami anlattim. cizdi. rengini konusttuk, secenek sundu. deniz kestane ve deniz kabuklarini gosterdi ne istersiniz sordu. tasarimina inaniyordum. mavi ayna yesil bir banyoda olacaksa denizi hatirlatir dedi. kafama gore birseyler yaparim dedi.

bir hafta sonra yine yagmurlu bir gunde hayalimdeki aynami aldim. kendimi ozleyecegimi dusunmustum...kendimi gorunce ne kadar degistigimi gordum ve ne kadar degismedigimi.

hasan'in askerligi

hasan hikaye anlatmak istedigi zaman odanin tam ortasina gelir ve karakterlerin hepsini tek tek canlandirarak anlatir. beni cok guldurur. genelde ciddi sakin bir insandir ama. ilk tanistigimizda gecenin bir vaktinde turk topraklarinin gucunu anlatmisti. canakkale'deymisim gibi hissettim. hasan konustugu zaman film seyrediyorum gibi oluyor.

acemiligi manisa kirkagac'ta yapmis. surunmus. istanbul cocugu, 15000 asker arasinda en uzun boylusu hasan'di. askerlige gidecegim deyip bunalimda surekli yiyen biri olmus, acemiligin ilk gunu 50 yasindaki bir adamla meydan'daki butun izmaritleri toplamis. yemekhane 2 km uzaklikta, yatagi 7.katta, nobet tutarken tufegile bas calarken yakalanan, boynuna carsaf baglayip superman gibi etrafta kosan deliren bir cocugu izlerken dusunen, her taraf allahin unuttugu kose gibi bir yerde kendisini anlamaya calisan hasan...sirasi geldiginde bulasik yikattiriyormus. hasan dogustan is adamiymis zaten. gunlerce dikenlerin ustunde surunmek, yenilemeyen yemekleri yemek, 45 gunde 16 kilo vermek....askerlik hasan'in hayatindaki bakis acisini genisleten deneyimlerden biri.

hasan iste.

ankara'ya ziyaret'e gelmisti gecen sene. kendimi cankaya'da bir yerde bir okulun kosesinde leman teyze'yle cay ictigimi birden fark ettim. hasan askerligi'ni ankara'da devam etmis. onu da besleyen ve bakan leman teyze'ye gittik. 5 sene sonra. onunla ve bey'iyle oturduk cay ictik ve biskuvi yedik. hasan'in gencligini ve o zaman cektiklerini anlatti. kucakladi filan. gozlerim doldu. hasan birini sevdigi zaman soylemeden soyler. arkadaslarin tam yaninda cafe'de restoran'da olmasada yanindadir. oyle bir varligi vardir.

her arkadaslik gibi bizim de tartismalarimiz oldu. zorlar hasan. ama sana inandigi icin zorlar. daha iyiyi hakettigini bildigi icin icindeki gucu zorlar. sonra da uzdugu icin uzulur ve arar. aradigi zaman da tartisma unutulmustur ve kaldigi yerden devam edilir. niyet onemli sonucta. tanisttik sonra istanbul'a gelme niyetimi sadece bir kez soylemistim. o gunden itibaren hep sorardi "ne zaman geliyorsun". bir aksam telefonda soyledim gununu. bir kac saat sonra aradi ve arkadasinin musait bir odasinda kalirsin dedi. hedef varsa, yapacak isler var demek... hadi yapalim diyen bir tip.

ici berrak dahi deli arkadasim hasan.

walking the city walls of istanbul with dirk

istanbul has been moody lately. it rains and then it suddenly decides not to, but it still wants to be hot and humid, just to remind one that it just may change its mind. it is different from boston weather... you know what they say there, "if you don't like the weather just wait a minute."


it was just this moodiness that made dirk and i stick to our mission to explore the city walls starting from eminonu towards the airport. it was a long walk which is why we followed it to yenikapi and called it a day. there is so much to see. eminonu in and of itself is a reminder of what istanbul was in all its glory. the city walls are most intact here and the ones facing the marmara. the rest of them are like broken teeth, new buildings have been replaced or old ones rebuilt or just a gaping hole and nothing on the other side.

the railway loyally follows the wall. we walked towards ahirkapi (there are many entrances and each have a name). there were holes and caves that many homeless inhabited and others were a depository for trash. it was sad. we went into Kucuk Ayasofya Camii which was beautiful. it had only recently been restored. the garden was well kept and the breeze was a relief from the heat. what was odd were magazines that had been donated to the camii, they were magazines of kazakhistan and turkmenistan from 2006 collecting dust. books for university examination tests were dusty too. what was the purpose of having these books and magazines in a place of worship and respect was beyond me.

we had lunch on the coastline near yenikapi. fisherman and fish restaurants, and of course cats. we then explored the armenian neighbourhoods and found a gorgeous church that was being restored. unfortunately its walls were secured with barbed wire. we had coffee with the archeologist and men who had seen better days of the neighbourhood. buildings that had seen better days...everything was skeletal...i was overcome with a feeling of sadness. i felt nourished when we went into another church and lit a candle. i had consciously blocked out what appeared ugly to me...there is negativity in the news, on the streets, in the faces of people and i had blocked it out to keep me safe...this was how i shielded myself against thinking negatively about humanity and it disturbed me. how much longer could i go on "shielding"?

we sat down for tea while walking back from yenikapi to karakoy. makeshift tea sellers, chicken and rice vendors, balloons-and-beercans-in-the-sea-and-rifle-to-shoot-with-games, families out for a walk, tourists sun bathing on the rocks, random fake perfume sellers...we had tea with a simitci (man who sells leavened bread with sesame seeds on top) who claimed to have figured out the holy books. i was actually impressed with the fact that he had decided he accepted everyone the way they were whatever faith they embraced. he said that turkey needed a scientist to proove everything in the books was true. he said he had concluded that the 8 heavens spoken of in islam was 8 planets that humanity was going to be transferred to in whatever form after judgement day. he appeared to be at peace with this notion and neither of us were going to dispute it with him. tea with the simitci was definitely a chat i will not be forgetting anytime soon.

this is istanbul.

the pig roast at hollygrove

i am a vegetarian. been a vegetarian since i was 16. it was easy. the only thing i ate around that time which was remotely close to meat was ground beef. never had much of a relationship with beef either. at some point when my mom asked if i wanted her to make kofte, i said no and it was not brought up again.

easy. makes sense?

what did not make sense to many people was when i said i was going to a pig roast in mississippi hosted by my close friend alan huffman. if people knew alan they would flock to get to know him because he just is that kind a man that a person should have in their lives- inspirational, witty, honest and loving. just writing about him makes me want to be at hollygrove with the hundreds of others who will be there this weekend.


alan built hollygrove in 10 some years one piece at a time. hollygrove inhabits 2 incredible dogs- jack and truman, a mean and rotten snake that the dogs find at the creek near by and many many trees. hollygrove has the honor to host the annual pig roast in the fall where this huge pig is brought from this meat warehouse thing (i had my eyes closed while they brought it out), stuffed by a core group of friends who come earlier than the guests, and is then cooked in a slow fire pit for 24 hours. there are shifts, there are times to flip the pig, the fire is always under control, and alan is the head of this entire operation.

every year.

those who do not attend are invited the year after and if they do not show up again are promptly removed from "the list". no one messes with the pig roast. there are only 4- 5 people in the US who have pig roasts.

i went 2 years ago. i was not the only vegetarian. you see people do not come for the pig alone. everyone comes to see everyone else and to see alan. he draws friends all across the nation and the planet (me for example).


alan. he and i have travelled some together. my dream is to travel with him through a desert, does not have to be the sahara, it could be rajasthan for example. the first time we met was through a mutual friend and we had stayed at hollygrove. our actual friendship grew over the years especially after i came to turkey. alan's writing is awe- inspiring. i have known reporters but until i met alan i really did not know reporters who risked their lives to get to the bottom of something. what kind of belief is that that would lead one to risk everything?

alan's new book is coming alive soon (www.alanhuffman.com). he worked on it night and day, through his father's illness and passing, through the storms that hit the south, and here he is putting the pig roast together this weekend.

i would have liked to be there with you alan.