where am i

imf meetings in istanbul. it's not as crazy and chaotic as i thought it would be. the congress centre is packed. we are in an impenetrable bubble where the food costs more than it would in an airport and the offices become heavy and hard to be in after lunch time.

but it is interesting. people going from one room to another for meetings, people going up and down the escalators, security hovering around everywhere, cleaning people continuously cleaning.

it is a busy bee kind of atmosphere here. i will probably process my feelings about all this next week.

bayramoglu'nda bayram

bayramoglu gecmislerde donmus kalmis istanbul'a yakin, istanbullularla dolu ama bu bayram pek kimsenin olmadigi bir kasabamsi seker bir yer. taksi duragin ismi mesela hegzagone. anlamadim.

eren, ben, burcu, gulyuz, melis, omur ve uraz cekirdek ekiptik. burcu omur'un yegeni, omur aile arkadas, gulyuz eren'in annesi, melis eren'in kiz kardesi, ve uraz omur'un oglu. ve ben. uraz jazz calar, polonya'da yasamis, gemi de calmis ve elektronik teknolojik anlamda tam bir mcgyver. melis okcu ve grafiker. gulyuz kizlarina tapan anne ve marti gibi kahkaha atan harika bir insan. omur senelerdir eren'in ailesinde olan biri ve tartismayi seven, senin dusundugunun tam tersini soyleyen bir kisi. tartisma kaslarini cok iyi calistirir. burcu new york'ta yasamis, galerist'te calismis, simdi de benim gibi isini seven ve tatillerine duskun olan bir kisi. seneler once maket bicagi ile parmagini kesen bir insan (ben de balta ile kesmistim). eren hep ve her zaman kosmayi isteyen, damagina duskun, hayallerimizi beraber kurabilecegim arkadasim. cok gulduk.

bayramoglu'nda 70lerin evleri, genis, cam mekan, buyuk bahceler, bol yesillik, evlerin iskeleleri eskimis ama yine de minik teknelerin oldugu, komsular birbirlerinin hayatlarini takip eden ve unutmayan insanlarla dolu bir kasaba.

eren, burcu ve ben kostuk, melis bize bisiklette rotayi gosterdi. herkesin gorevi ilk gunden itibaren oturdu. melis acma alir sabahlari, geceleri cekirdek. eren ilk kalkar ve bir onceki gun egsersiz programini belirler. burcu bu egsersiz programin saatlerini belirler ve isteyenlere duyurur. uraz teknik destek verir, ipod'tan muzik setine kablo kisa devreler, filmlerin kanallari belirler. gulyuz ve omur butun konulari ortak alanlara atar ve tartismaya acar. ve tabi ki herkesin midesini doyurur (tok olsun olmasin). bu arada hayvanat bahcesine gittik ve birlikte maymunlari seyrettik. hayvanlari gormek, yeni seyler ogrenmek iyi de, hapsolmak uzdu hepmizi. huzunlu donduk.



cok yedim, cok ictim, yoga ve kosu, yuruyus ve soguk su da yuzme, filmler seyretme ve kadinlar arasi sohbetle bayram gecti. bir bayram daha gecti.

breaking down walls

i guess i have some high walls, for protection, for easy attack, for comfortable observation...i know that at most stages of my life these walls were and still are being raided and ambushed upon, so that i can see who i really am.

i saw that recently at a past life regression therapy. now i go once every year but this time i went with the intention to go deeper and i was ready. simply because walls need maintenance and it gets tiring. with different kinds of therapy i think it is possible to breakdown those barriers and be accepting. it could be scary but it does bring you to a state of peace with whatever blockage one feels they are experiencing. it's more than just having had a past life. it is truly about manifesting the soul's true intention here in the present one knows.

nasil gorursen oyle cikar

connections that remind me...

that there is so much more to life than what we are able to see and feel. i have tried hard all my life to make conscious changes, running away from fear of being static...istanbul is one of those places where it feels like one has to run to keep up with the dynamism and then i go to selcuk for 4 days and my steps become instantly slower. it's crazy.

these days i have been what most people would call confused. not outwardly though. if i were to look at myself objectively at what is going on within i think i am confused. but last night i realised i wasn't. it's like a ping pong match i have with myself and my thoughts. thoughts tire me at some point. i stop them by labelling it for example "thinking thinking thinking" or "looking looking looking". and then as i go for a pee break at the office something random pops into my head and then it happens 3 minutes later. there are many moments when i would like to be transported to india and just be away and then i squarely ask myself if i am not happy to be where i am. and the answer is yes i am pretty cool where i am. then what's this millisecond transportation somewhere else that occurs every now and then... i don't know.

i have been meeting some inspirational people lately. and the truth is there are inspirational people in my life ALL of the time such as my boss, eren, crystal, alan, gale, dirk, emine, ayla and innumerable friends i could go on and on talking about. it's people that help me stay alive. definitely. i get it. and then there are people one meets, suddenly, unexpectedly that takes your breath away. i met an amazing man this past weekend, spent a total of 4 hours and thought this was what connection means. this is what inspiration is. it inspired me to connect with myself. it was a reminder. and i need it so much more often living in this city. i felt i had been de-sensitized having lived through all that i have (let's not go through those experiences) and then suddenly voila (!) a spark of pink, red and orange that had been in the dark for so long.

the selcuk area

there is something about selcuk i cannot seem to detach myself from. okay so my family is out there but even if they weren't i would go. the quaintness, the locals all talking about the same thing (namely storks flying south, the highway authorities doing a crappy job, the call to prayer being just way too loud), the saturday bazaar and being so close to sirince and kusadasi. and finally being just a hop skip and a jump from ephesus.

sirince has changed over the years. even though their wines have improved i don't think they are "ready". but good job to them for the marketing that brings hundreds to that tiny mountain village. eren and i met a jeweller there who made all the jewellery in the movie "troy". he had several pictures of brad pitt on his walls. we wore a few and loved the pieces. as you can see i have said nothing about having bought them...then there is uzum cafe when climbing towards the baptist church.



uzum was restored by my uncle and has the most charming garden and terrace out back. sitki is its sweet owner. while we were sitting having our coffee 2 huge men came to ask him for directions and permission to use his grounds to explore the streets out back and spat out a gruffy "iyi akshamlarrr". we blurted out a "bonsoir" as they stared at us. and then the church. it has been recently opened after its restoration. i found it corny to bave a wishing fountain there as did a 5 year old who came with her parents. i think it's becoming a little old with the wishing trees and fountains and wells...

ephesus was as always spectacular. the best time to go is in the fall but if one has no choice but to go any other time of the year it is in your best interest to go in the early morning time. the marble reflects on your skin and causes a slight hyperventilation situation even after a ton of hydrating drinks. for some reason i have not taken heed of my own advice and end up there in the maximum heat of the day EACH TIME. and each time i say no more. the terrace houses are a treat but an extra entrance fee which makes my blood boil (due to the heat of course :P)


kusadasi itself is a place i stray away from. there is a chaos that is neither charming or helpful (as it would be in india for example). it makes me impatient. the only place in kusadasi that i enjoy going to and have an unforgettable time at is the Delta Menderes Milli Park an hour drive away past Davutlar. the beaches there are pebbly and the water is clear...and freezing. its worth going to definitely for a beach experience where there are no banana boats, para sailing, screaming children or the smell of barbecuing. it has the woods behind you and trails you can walk on either before or after your swim. my cousin had long time ago found a gold ring at the bottom of the water. it's that clear. reminds me of the water in olympos...yes there is cafe. 4 beaches in that park, the last one is the best.

selcuk is a place i bring all my friends. it's one of the few places in turkey where there are innumerable things to see and do and not feel like one is spending a fortune.

after a few rolls of film

my favorite ones... i think i may have found my expression and the perfect exposure. a little over exposure is irem i think.